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Well, my boss did it again. I bang my head against the wall and wonder WHY the hell can't he understand me and let me be??? WHY is it so hard to understand that a person who works 10-11 hours a day or more is fucking TIRED when they finish their day, they want to go HOME because they have WORKED and not chatted on the cell phone or stood around smoking half the day.

The "family" wanted to take me out for my birthday. Mind you, they didn't ask me if I wanted to go out at all, they just said "we're goind out for pizza tonight for your birthday." And I was like "um, uh, well..." and they give me dirty looks like I should be so GRATEFUL to be asked out!!!! well fuck THAT. I do NOT want to be told what to do on my off time. Especially on my birthday. I am old enough to decide what I want to do!!! And I was looking forward to coming home, getting into my jammies and having some tea and spending the rest of the night VERY VERY QUIETLY.

You see, I've gone out for pizza with my boss and his family. By the time all the kids get there, decide what to eat, pick at the menu and whine that they are vegetarians and don't want meat, don't want to smell meat, and can we have this soda and not that one, this type of cheese and maybe I want a salad instead, can we have breadsticks....AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH LET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THERE!!!!!!! I HATE THAT STUFF. I would rather get a burger at McDonald's, which is exactly what I ended up doing.

Besides, my head hurt and my legs were tired. I wanted to sit down, take my medicine and relax. They can't seem to fathom that someone doesn't want to be constantly surrounded by people. And they got snarky with my cos I didn'twant to go out. Well EXCUSE ME. Why don't you try ASKING ME first, then you wouldn't be all pissed off???? Hmmmm???

I HATE GOING OUT, I HATE BEING AROUND PEOPLE ON MY OFF TIME. And that's all there is to it.

I am turning a year older tomorrow. (Please hold your applause till the end, lol.) And as time goes on I find that I am happiest on my own, by myself. I am just not comfortable around people outside of work. Dislike being chatted to, hugged, etc. any of that stuff. People have said I am rude because when they see me and try to come up to visit I just say "hello, gotta go" and hurry past.

I'm not being rude. If I was being rude I would say something like "Hey, **** off, ya ****." I am not deliberately rude,no matter what any one says. I just have VERY high walls that no one is allowed over or through. I HAVE to be around people all day at work, that is what I am paid to do. On my own time, I write my own rules and am strictly a solo act.

It's just not good trying to "fit in" in a world I am not meant to fit into. I am quite content with things just the way they are. And I have said this a time or two here, but again, I am NOT here to hook up, chat with or meet anyone. Even if you are nice and live just around the corner. It's not going to happen.

I am entirely satisifed with the way things are in my life and do not wish any of it to change, though I know change is inevitable and something will happen whether I want it to or not.

But for now, at least, all is well.

I get messages from time to time asking why I don't put a picture of myself on my profile. When I first joined VR I did have one on here, but got so many negative/rude/disgusting comments that I took it off, and decided not to ever put it back.

This is not a dating site, and I sure am not looking to hook up, or even meet anyone, on here. It's just not going to happen. Therefore, you don't need to see what I look like in order to message me, rate my profile, or whatever.



The last few weeks have been very difficult ones for me, for many personal/health reasons. My private life is very sacrosanct to me. I choose not to let people in, as every time I do I get hurt. I completely and totally enjoy my solitary existance. I have a day to day life that is very quiet and dark, very simple and plain. It's a life that I choose to live alone.



And that is why there will never be a picture of me on here.

It has been a week from hell and I am surely glad it's over. I am enjoying every moment of my hard-won time off; after the hell I went through this week, I am trying to put it all behind me and just move on.

My bosses, well meaning though they are, constantly interfere and meddle in my personal life. Just because THEY are happily married, with children and a wide circle of friends and interests, they cannot fathom why anyone else should be single and solitary. After inviting me to a few family events I soon decided that just working with them is more than enough for me, I really do not need to be subjected to loud, back-slapping type situations, when I would much rather be at home with a book.

Much to my displeasure, they "encouraged" a customer to ask me out. This poor guy, who had never so much as paid me the time of day before, hemmed and hawed and said to me "well I have to do something and I don't know how to do it." I had no idea what he was getting at, then he asked me out.

Knowing he would NEVER have done that without my boss' interference, and also knowing he was not in the slightest interested in me personally, I turned him down. He seemed very relieved. But, my bosses nagged at him to try again, insisting I "needed to get out of the house". Honestly, after working a 60 hour work week, do I NEED to do anything I don't want to do? I don't think so. I NEED to come home, relax, eat, and enjoy my off time. My days of getting dressed up and going out looking for Mr Right are long over. I no longer care, truly.



But anyway. This guy tried again. He invited me to a concert at his church. I just stood there with my mouth open. I wouldn't dream of asking anyone to any type of church thing, unless I knew they were into that sort of stuff. I am most definitely NOT. And after a long work week, I am not going to do ANYTHING I don't want to do. Maybe if it had been a dinner invite, or if he had ASKED what I liked to do, we could have hit a compromise. By now I was so frustrated/irritated with him and my boss' meddling that I just told him flat out NO.



It occurs to me that the things I like to do, i. e. quiet reading, listening to music, watching dvds, doing crafts..are not likely to be things I would meet anyone at. And as I grow older, I am less and less fascinated with the idea of finding someone to go through life with. I rather like my life just as it is. I can do what I want when I want, I pay my own bills, I take care of my own living space just fine.



I cried a few tears this week but in the end I put my big girl panties on and got on with things. And I am NOT accepting any more invites from anyone, my bosses have been told off for what I hope is the last time.